Prayer Changes You

I have a friend who sends me inspirational quotes and scriptures almost daily. A few weeks ago, she sent one and it simply read 'prayer changes things'. Immediately I thought, 'not always'.

For weeks, my church family prayed for a miraculous healing for Mallory. She still died.

For years, I prayed for my marriage. It still ended.

Up until five years ago, I prayed for a healthy relationship with my mother. That relationship is permanently dissolved.

Although I prayed earnestly and fervently in each of those situations, prayer didn't change the outcome but what it did change is the one who was praying...me.

I remember one day as I was cleaning the bath tub, I heard Holy Spirit say to me 'balm of Gilead'. I had just finished praying for Mallory. When I heard those words, my heart sank because I had a knowing that God was telling me that the fight was over and that the balm was symbolic of her body being prepared for burial. But I wouldn't listen. I thought there is no way that someone who is so very young and who has such a young family can be at the end of their time here. So I kept praying and fighting. A few days later, I received the call that she had died. I was so hurt and so angry... and I questioned God. Although I still don't understand why God chose to take Mallory, I have peace knowing that His will is perfect; whether I understand it or not. Prayer didn't change Mallory's outcome but it did teach me to let go and stop trying to manipulate God's will with my own. It taught me to humble myself and reject that element of pride within me that naturally wants to contend with His will. Prayer changed me.

My whole marriage was bad. Actually, it was a setup for disaster before it ever started. The last three years of it were the absolute worst. I prayed and prayed for a marriage that mirrored Paul's description in Ephesians 5. It seemed the more that I prayed, the worse the situation became. I didn't understand it because God's Word doesn't return to Him empty. The more I prayed for peace, the more chaos showed up in my household. The excessive drinking and drunkenness. The constant fighting. Debt and money problems. You name it and I was contending against it. The kids were tired. I was tired. I was tired of praying and seeing no change in him. As I was praying the Scriptures over him, I was also praying over me. I was constantly confessing the Word over us and our marriage, no matter how bad it got. And it got real bad. Then came the day when God said to me, 'It's time.' It was on a Monday. The following Monday I filed for divorce. I had peace throughout the whole process....from the separation, to the filing, to the day that I walked out of that courthouse a free woman. And I haven't looked back. No regrets. No bitterness. No resentment. No unforgiveness. You see, I had prayed myself through healing those last three years. I was praying for the marriage to change, for him to change...neither of those changed but I did. Prayer changed me and in this case, prepared me for what was to come.

As far back as I can remember, I always had a knowing that my mother didn't like me. I won't go into a lot of detail but what I will say is that over the years the relationship became so toxic that I had to severe it permanently. There have been many times since I've made that decision that I've prayed and asked God whether or not I'd be okay if this happened or if that happened and each time not only was my answer a yes, it came with confirmation that I had made the right decision. As I prayed and continue to, I've learned to pray effectively over my relationships with my own children. I've learned that love is unconditional; it's patient, hopeful, forgiving and kind. Prayer didn't change the relationship but it did teach me to be the change needed to crush a familial curse that has run rampant through our family for years. Prayer changed me.

And it'll change you too if when you pray, you pray the Word. The Word of God is alive and powerful...it's transformative. You can't pray it and remain the same. Prayer changes you.

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