Getting Back to Me

I love entertaining guests in my home. The prepping beforehand, engaging in great conversation over a nice meal and a glass, maybe two, of wine during and the close which always results in my extending another invitation to link up again. Last week a friend came over to visit for the first time and she immediately began verbally admiring my home and the decor. She went on to ask, 'Have you ever thought about being an interior home decorator?" I laughed, not because I thought it was strange but because I've heard that consistently over the course of the past month. Another friend whom had caught glimpses of parts of my home through my daughter's social media posts strongly suggested that I give some thought to decorating homes and even asked me to help her with hers. No, this is not my coming out post; at least not yet. After hearing people, including my own children, rave about how comfortable and nice my home is I started to think about where this was coming from and why. You see, I've always been super clean and I like nice things. In fact, years ago my former apartment manager would ask me for permission to use my apartment to show potential residents the three bedroom floor plan. Until recently, though, I didn't realize that my knack for creating a cozy home is a gift and a small part of my who I am as Katina Shoni Freeman. For almost fourteen years I had been Katina Brown. When I married and took my ex's last name, I didn't know that I'd lose part of my identity as I traded my family's name for his. Although I had always been good at decorating and creating nice spaces, when I came into relationship with him he constantly and consistently challenged me on whatever I wanted to do in our home. If I said green, he was going to say blue. We could never agree as our tastes in decor and the way that we were raised was totally different. Growing up, it wasn't unusual to leave for school and come back home that afternoon to new furniture or new bedding. Because that's what I had grown accustomed to, it's something that I carried with me into adulthood. On the other side, he grew up in a household where they did just the opposite. We replaced furniture as styles changed; they believed in restoring and repurposing. There was nothing wrong with either scenario; in fact, compromise and working the two together could have been a great decorative covenant. But my ex always felt like his idea or what he liked trumped my ideas and desires so it was either an argument or me giving in and pretending to like his choices

for the sake of peace. In healthy relationships, especially in marriage, it's natural to lose little pieces of yourself as you strive to mesh together as one. On the flip side, it is totally unhealthy to completely get so lost within another person that you no longer know who you are. The effects of this are long-lasting and sometimes irreversible. After almost two decades of being something else for someone else, I'm finally getting back to me and learning things about myself that had been lying dormant within. Over the past year, I've learned that I love to dance, remembered my love for music and have a gift to decorate!

My hope is that you are reading this and thinking to yourself that you've never been in a toxic, unhealthy relationship. However, if you have been, I hope that you've put in the work to heal from it. If you are currently in an unhealthy relationship that is causing you to forget who you are, I want to help you to rediscover yourself and to tap into your identity. Send me an email to katinashonifreeman@gmail.com. Be sure to include your best contact information within. All correspondence is completely confidential.